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she said "why don't you just drop dead?"

i vow not to blog, not to log in to Facebook, not to blog-hop, not to sing karaoke, not to check my emails and not to switch on the computer for the next 23 days. i'm going to switch off from the outside world. i don't care which idol is going home or whatsoever. i promise to study and make sure everything goes into my head. i promise to not hog on the phone, to not waste my time playing games and also to have enough sleep and not watch psp videos in the middle of the night. i promise to be home latest by 1800. i promise to start studying at 1930 and stay put at my study table till i can't take it anymore. this have to go on for the next few weeks only.
i'll tell you what you want to hear

played floorball like no tomorrow during PE and now my right leg is super cramp. next week, i think i want to play badminton with Fong. okay okay, time for Chemistry!
what if? what if? what if?

have anyone died while studying for O levels before? what if i die while trying to memorise the whole thing about Iraq? what if my brain burst in class during Maths lesson? what if i didn'twake up from my sleep during English lesson? what if i fainted during Chemistry and went into a deep coma? what if? what if? what if? what if theres no tomorrow for me? what if i got hit by a car when i'm crossing the road? what will happen at my funeral? will everybody be crying or will they be happy that i'm dead? have i said enough to what i want to say to all those people around me? have i told them that i love them very much and i couldn't thank them enough for making a difference in my life? if i get to celebrate my 18th birthday next year, please write me a eulogy and tell me what is it that you'll never forget about me.
i hate you for hiding from me

fong, i can't promise you anything since i have to bring someone along. and i have this strong feeling that i will end up going alone. so, we shall see lah how okay. i found out something very hurtful. yes yes, its about you. who else am i always talking about here right?





faizal mraz??? stop it lor. i bet the whole yishun primary agree with me. go home and sing your backstreet boys song. don't you know that you are so artificial? haha.




i can still remember her singing at the back of the bus on the way home from Tuas Navy 4 years back. and i still remember how troublesome she was when she insisted on transferring to Northland. and i can still feel the sadness when she left us. rachel, rachel. its good to see you on tv.
how do you speak?

after school, we had to do this pattern quiz by MOE and it was super lame so i decided to just shade anyhow and sleep instead. after the test, went to the canteen to eat before heading home. i think i have a habit of sleeping in class now especially during English and after that, i'll feel really bad for Mdm Sheila. i have a date with Mrs Koh tomorrow after school and that means i have to do my Maths by tonight. and, the whole family is at Sentosa now without me. its okay, its okay. i'm always at Sentosa too without them what right.
don't you think you are being self-centered?

i'm a happy kid today because firstly, i slept in class, twice and secondly, Ms Yzelman approved my Social Studies essays and lastly i ate long john for dinner. english was so bored today so i decided to sleep during Mdm Sheila's lesson while she enjoy consulting the rest about their compos. and immediately when the bell rang which marks the end of POA period, i put my head on the table and slept till 1600. i couldn't believe it that i didn't go home straight instead i stayed in class just to sleep. haha. went home with Dinika and commented about the lower sec students. i was so happy to see long john on the table when i got home. i gobble my food and then its time to go home. and now, i have to do Geography.

its not me, its you

talked to Dinika about some things and she can't agree more. haha. i love it when Dinika can see things the way i do. its very relieving to know that someone is also going through the same thing as you. haha. at least someone can understand your feelings. okay, i have to do my maths or else i have to stay back for night class tomorrow. and to Fong, get well soon. i know you are already missing me.






and so to all, enjoy your Hari Raya while i enjoy doing Maths. tsk!
specially for all those that were left out earlier

to those people whose pictures are not up, you are clearly not forgotten. the reason why your picture is not up is because i don't take picture with you guys. especially people like azie, dian, lina, wirda, sabrina, yassy, faz and KD. i'm sorry for all my wrongdoings and my rudeness. please forgive me and let bygones be bygones. selamat hari raya!


and to all my friend's parents, sisters and brothers, i would like to apologise for not returning your daughter/sister home on time. maybe there were times when i didn't acknowledge you when i see you outside, i'm truly sorry for that. please do forgive me.
SELAMAT HARI RAYA

Dear Kak Nadiah,

i know i'm very lazy and complacent most of the time during tuition. i always lie on the table and start whining. and without fail, i know i always make your blood boil every saturday. and i know that if my mother were to ever allow you to slap me, you would already have done so. hehe. as today is Hari Raya, i would like to apologise for my wrongdoings and the time when i misbehave. i know you would listen to me every saturday about my never ending hot stuff story although i am very long-winded. whatever, you have to only bear with me for the next 1 month. i'm very sorry for being so spoilt. hehe. ;)

Dear Izdi,

since last year, we haven't been that close. but you accept me for who i am and you laugh to my lame jokes. and when my mum give you a lift, you know how to make yourself comfortable in the car and talk to my mum about all the Korean Drama and that makes my mum love you. you know that i hate playing badminton with you because you always make me run like a crazy horse while you stand at just one position. but i guess, its all thanks to your drilling that i'm forever cute. hehe. i admit there were times when i talked bad about you. and so, i would like to apologise for all that. please get well soon, i want to play badminton.


Dear Naz,

thank you for letting me win the Cold War with you. hehe. i know i'm very stupid during tuition but i'm just trying to make you feel like a genius. haha. thank you for being Kak Naz and knocking some sense into me. i'm sorry for not taking your art file. but you know some things happen for a reason right? its relieving to see that you've not changed a bit and you still understand me each time i complain about my father. i know i have so many sins, you too. haha. so, i'm very sorry if there were times when my jokes were really hurtful. i know i'm so vocal. so, please do forgive me. nenek keropok rocks!! :D


Dear Fida,




firstly, you have to know that i miss you very much. i know this no longer mean anything to you but well, i just want you to know. earlier tonight, i was sitting in front of the door hoping that you would appear at my doorstep to send me your kuih raya like you always do. perhaps that was too much to ask for. i know you will never appear even when i pray so hard because i know you are still mad at me. maybe we have changed as an individual but i have always pray that things between us will change for the best when you say that time heal all wounds. it was very awkward when we meet after a very long time. probably, no more common things to talk about. i know if you have only one bullet left, you would shoot me first. i know 99% of the time i'm being such an asshole and i'm truly sorry for that. i'm sorry for not being there when you needed me the most. i'm sorry for putting all the blame on you. i'm sorry for being so rude and everything along that line. i am seriously very sorry and i regret all those stupidity. i have always been cherishing the times we had together, everything we did together, every single thing we shared and many more. please know that i'm very sorry for everything and i miss you very very very much. :(






i really hope i could finish 10 Social Studies essays plus 3 Geography essays by 1800. ms yzelman is driving me crazy!!
will you please be a little bit courteous?


these days, i have been thinking on what to say to different people. and since i'm not the type who get on my knees and cry and seek for forgiveness, i should really mean my words and say it sincerely. but i feel that its not right to seek for forgiveness here. haha. and to those who are still doing last minute baking, enjoy! now, i have Maths, Physics, Geography, Social Studies and Chemistry to do. i really hope that my UMNO uncle from Malaysia will not sleep over at my house tomorrow. i really need to do my work and i can't have you guys at my house especially when you keep on staring at me and keep asking me about my dad. my gran's is much more spacious than mine, so you should sleep there instead. ;)
i still don't hate you for what you did



and i know that you know that



and its all because of you


i have already checked online and it says that F1 is on the 25, 26 and 27 September. so, will you go for lunch with me on Thursday? please don't tell me that you have to attend the Press Conference. please, please, please..
bon voyage....



i'm not lying this time round

i am still missing you as much as i did when you left me for school trips. please believe me, its true, i swear.
she wear short skirts i wear t-shirt


i was practically yawning during the whole two periods of Chemistry. i don't know whether its Mrs Ong or me but each time i step into the lab, i feel so lethargic and i can't help but to put my head on the table. but i love it when Mrs Ong start giving her adult jokes to us and its funny to see her laughing to herself even when the whole class don't get her jokes. i slept during recess in front of Fong while Fong continue with her Chemistry homework. i can't wait for Hari Raya because i have so many things to say to so many people, again. so, do check my blog on Hari Raya. who knows i might be seeking for your forgiveness here. hehe. read hor bitch, read.
BOO KANYE WEST!!!!



Kanye West is so bad! how could he do that to Taylor Swift? i mean he can say that Beyonce's videos are good but not when Taylor Swift is receiving her award lah. so rude!
i can't change the way you feel inside


all my days were spent by the telephone. all i needed was a call. where were you when everything was falling apart? you never left me any messages or miss call me. if it happens that i die before you, ransack my whole room and you will find a letter. i'm serious. does this shows how important you are to me? you know who you are.




ouh my god. i'm so thirsty today. i will literally gulp down my tea later at 1906. now, i really need to sleep.
can somebody please judge this?

i hate it when you don't see that i'm trying. you think you are the only one who is utterly utterly utterly disappointed here? you think i am not disappointed in you too? you think i don't remember what you said to me on the 3rd of July? you want me to take the first step, i clearly did but to no avail. you didn't respond to it. worse still, you ignored. and you are trying to say that i'm putting the blame on you? look, i tried to talk things with you and you didn't give me response and you say that its not your fault? come on lah, if you don't have the intention to say that i bribed you, you would not have said that even when we were fighting. it is because you already have the intention to say it and its already at the tip of your tongue and you can't control your anger on that day, thats why you let everything out. right? you were disappointed because i said that you've changed. you mean you didn't change? please think lah. were you the sort who keep mum when theres problem between us? were you the one who ignore everything and happily sweep the problem under the carpet? how do you expect me to make things clear when you refuse to pick up my calls, reply my messages or even spend one day to really talk about this? bear this in mind, i'm more disappointed in you because you are willing to trade me. now tell me, how should i feel?
we could do it real big


this will only happen when your tutor is late for tuition and you are in the midst of preparation for a major exam!


had tuition at 1200 and kak nadiah was acting fierce with me. but when she started talking about my senior, she became a very happy girl. after tuition, went to my gran's. and my mum said that i'll be preparing the food for break fast later. so i had to prepare spaghetti with my aunt's help. however, the spaghetti turn out to be hard because my mum bought the wrong brand. i'm still at my gran's sitting infront of the computer despite having so much homework that have yet to be done.


Fida is done bathing so i have to go get ready now. will be going Anchorpoint to get Fida's shoe and then will head to Changi Airport to eat popeye! and we will be going Anchorpoint via bus and Naz say that we have to take 855 to Queensway. ouh my god! i bet by the time we reach Queensway, the three of us can't talk already. okay okay, the toilet is calling me. have fun rotting at home, people. and to Dinika, have fun doing chemistry. ;)
it ain't too late to work this thing out

i'm done sahur-ing and now, i want to sleep and dream of dying. i can't wait for Hari Raya because i want to send my psp for repair. the volume button got stuck while i was pressing it the other day. and thanks geraldine, for pressing the minus button, now i can ony hear people whispering. -.-
you know that it troubles me

i almost slept during chemistry if Mrs Ong hadn't call my name. after chemistry, waited for Fong. she showed me her MAC stuff and after staring at the mirror for almost 45 minutes, i realise that my eyebags are more obvious! how can this be happening when hari raya is next sunday? tsk. tonight i'll sleep at 2100 lah!
who light the fire?

woke up at 1000, just in time for POA. cab-ed to school with Fong as i was super lazy to walk. reached school at 1040 and surprisingly, we were the first one to arrive. POA lasted for only one and a half hour. i think i want to go for a haircut tomorrow as i'll be going on a break fast date with Naz and Fida on friday. i have so many things to tell them. for now, i think i need to talk to Dinika about soemthing. because whenever i tell her something, all she do is laugh. well atleast, her laughter is contagious and it'll make me laugh to.


i'm off to meet Sabrina and make her the happiest person today. okay lah, not. bye..
always making time for you




meeting Fong soon to meet Ms Yzelman for SS. suppose to bowl with Naz and Fida today but since Naz is only free before 4 and i have SS till 1, it'll be quite rushing. so, plan cancel.. i'll be meeting Sabrina at 1645 to give her surprise! i'm so excited for it! i have a feeling that i'll bump into Dinika in the bus later. okay, i want to shower now.
look what you've done

i told my mum that if i were to have siblings, i wouldn't be this crazy as to always talk to myself and imagine that i have a friend. she said that if there were to be another me, she would be having depression because i always give her headache. aiyah, headache good what. that goes to show that you still have feelings. haha. i think if i were to have younger siblings, i'll ask them to clean up my room and pay them. haha. but still, i like it that i'm the only child because wherever my mum go, people will only ask about me and only me. wah.. i feel so big! haha.


i feel comfortable studying in the middle of the night. like last night, i was doing chemistry at 0230 and to my surprise, my brain was functioning really well. and i can actually continue studying till sahur but the magnetic pull from my bed was too strong. tonight, i'll be doing maths again because kak nadiah mercilessly made me re-do algebra. i feel like eating kfc now! but i want the breast part. anything less, i won't eat the chicken till its clean. but i also feel like eating ice kacang. haha. i think i should open a restaurant lah.
DEAR FONG, IZDI, FIDA & NAZ,

i just finish looking through my photo album and after reading all those birthday cards, i realised that there are more deserving people whom i should really cherish and treasure. i really miss the SMC trainers. they are not the kind who you know for 5 days and thats it. i miss andi, tiffany and pandian. they were the ones who keep me going and they look at me from different perspective. and i realise there are friends who come and go and friends who stay are the ones who really appreciate my presence. i figured out that in that group, only fong and izdi are the ones who are worth holding on to. they are the ones who always give in to me and follow my pace. the other two are none other than fida and naz. i guess the bond we share is really amazing because we can still talk non-stop like how we used to although we haven't talked to each other for a year. we can still criticise each other and not take things to heart. and we can still make time for each other despite anything. so the conclusion is, there are other people who are more than willing to be my friend and i don't have to pay or buy them because they see my sincerity. girls, you know i will straightaway take a taxi to your house if i hear anyone of you crying (this apply only before 1900hrs). i know our friendship will last, only if you don't see my sincerity as a bad intention. ;)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOR!

i just got home from checkup and prof lam wasn't in so i had to meet dr siow. and he is really siow ah! haha. reached KKH at 1420 and the whole checkup ended at 1555. on my way to julie's house, i was talking to my mum about how silly fong was during english lesson today. delivered julie's birthday present and went back home. i bought nasi ayam penyet, roti boyan and also gado-gado for break fast later. tonight, i want to study chemistry, for mrs ong's sake. haha.


Mdm Sheila: Do you know what cattle is?
Fong: Eh, cattle tu yang ader hump tu kan? (Cattle is the one with hump right?)
Me: HAHAHAHA! Bukan lah. Tu camel! (HAHAHAHA. No lah! That is camel!)
Mdm Sheila: WHAT? Fathiyah thought that cattle is camel?

and i just can't stop laughing. theres another one that happened last year.


Mdm Sheila: What do you call the person who examines dead body? For..?
Fong: Foreigner!
Me: HAHAHAHAHA!
Mdm Sheila: FOREIGNER?!? Forensic lah, fathiyah.

hahaha. i didn't know fong have such good sense of humour. having fong and mdm sheila in class really brighten up my day. i showed fong my moonwalk at the printing shop and she couldn't stop laughing. and i think the guy at the counter feel like slapping us. haha. i'm so happy today because its julie's birthday. ceh.. hahaha. ;)


i skip school this morning as i was having a terrible cramp and i couldn't stand up. so i slept in till 1130. and since i didn't attend school today, i promise myself that i will study till 2200 tonight as my mum is also working afternoon shift, so there won't be any distractions and i hope i can get everything in my head by tonight. atleast for maths. please, please, please let me sail through tonight's revision.


i finally decided to buy the dvd as it is cheaper. so if you were to not appreciate it, i won't be so frustrated. fong said i'm being so noble. last lah last. confirm its the last time. i won't take back my words nor twist it.


i can't wait to go to school tomorrow and goof around with fong. i practice moon walking at home and my mum said that i'm a total insult of michael jackson. hahaha.

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